Commitment phobia is one of the biggest relationship testers out there. Even though men are more prone to experiencing the fear of commitment, the fact remains that just as many women are uncertain about settling down with one guy. Anyone who has ever been with a commitment phobe knows how painful it can be to be in a relationship with someone who just doesn’t offer you enough security. However, helping you partner overcome commitment phobia doesn’t always require specialist help and with some clever manipulation, you can turn a commitment phobe into a commitment phile and have the happy ending you always dreamed of.
Make sure that it really is commitment phobia you’re dealing with
Let’s face it. Every time a relationship isn’t working out the way we want, we tend to blame our partner for everything rather than looking inwards. In case you are not getting the commitment you want from your partner, before placing the blame on them, ask yourself whether you really are the kind of person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Look at your own patterns of behavior and check whether you aren’t too clingy, needy, co-dependent or generally not someone who would be an ideal match for your partner. Take responsibility for your own patterns of behavior within the relationship and once you are certain that the reason why your partner hasn’t committed to you is because they are dealing with commitment phobia, you can proceed with taking other necessary steps to ensure a commitment from your partner.
Establish what commitment means to both of you as a couple
As an established norm, the word “commitment” is thought to be synonymous with marriage. However, that necessarily isn’t the case. For many people, being in a committed relationship can mean owning a house and other property together, for others it may mean having children and living together without being married. A child of divorce or someone from a broken or troubled home is more likely to be afraid of being married than someone who had a happy childhood. If your partner grew up in an environment that reinforced negative beliefs about marriage, then pressuring them to get married may have an adverse effect on your relationship. If your partner cannot commit outright, ask them what commitment would be for them.
Present yourself as a suitable fit in your partner’s future
If you are a hundred percent sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with your current partner, try taking little steps to present yourself a suitable fit in their future. Unless you and your partner are polar opposites, chances are that you already are in bits and pieces, someone that can fit in suitably with your partner’s future life. If your partner is saving up for a house and you have more of a paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle, then you might try and curb your spendthrift nature a bit to make them take you as a potential long-term partner more seriously.
Present yourself as a hot catch
Most commitment phobes are afraid that once they are committed to a partner, they will not be able to “date” as many attractive people as they could were they not committed. The sole reason for this rationale is the fear of one’s partner giving up making the effort to be more presentable or fun to be with after a point in time. Everyone prizes physical attractiveness to a degree and if you present yourself as just the kind of hot catch your partner fantasies about, then they may be more inclined to make a commitment for good.
Make them think making the commitment was “their” idea
One of the main reasons why people try to avoid commitment is because they feel like it is someone else’s vision of the future not their own. Instead of pressuring your partner into making a commitment, try presenting a vision of your own future that would be attractive to them as well. If your partner loves to travel, take vacations with them. If your partner loves to try new cuisines, try exploring new restaurants around town with them.
Use your partner’s jealously to secure a commitment
Sometimes a little jealously can go a long way. If your partner is reluctant to make a commitment yet doesn’t seem very keen on ending the relationship, you can always drop a hint about how there are plenty of other people who would be more than willing to make a commitment to you if they don’t. Instead of blatantly flirting with every second person you meet, try opting for people who are in the same “league” as your partner.
Show them that you’re not an obstacle for them living their dreams
One of the main reasons behind commitment phobia is the fact that people don’t want to feel tied down. Since marriage comes with responsibilities and most people see these responsibilities as a hindrance to them achieving their dreams and aspirations, they try and avoid making a commitment for as long as they can. This can easily be avoided if you present a vision of marriage or long term commitment as being conducive to them living their dreams rather than being a hindrance to them.
Hang out with other happy and committed couples
Most commitment phobes imagine marriage and committed relationships are being boring, sexless and tedious. If you hang out with couples that have made the commitment and are still as happy as they were when they were dating, it might send a positive message to your partner and make them see the bright side of commitment also.
Show them how commitment will benefit them
Marriage brings a lot of benefits besides companionship. From tax and insurance benefits to other legal advantages, marriage can prove advantageous on many fronts. Finding a subtle way to tell your partner about these benefits might prompt them to pop the question sooner.
Make yourself a more fun person to be with
Let’s face it. Even the most hardworking and grounded person doesn’t want to be stuck with a boring and tedious person for the rest of their lives. If your love life has become stable and you want to take it to the next level with a partner who isn’t too keen on it, you can always try and infuse your love life with a bit more passion and romance. Not only with this spice things up, it might also make you commitment phobic partner believe that spending the rest of their life with you won’t be so boring and retraining after all.