How to overcome the divorce trauma without losing much

Ending a marriage is a painful process. Irrespective of who is at fault, it has its trauma and stress. Uncertainty about the future and the guilt hanging on the conscience are not easy to deal with. Matters become worse if children are also involved. Though it is very tough to get in terms with life, one has to do it. Here are ways to overcome the trauma of a divorce.

Love the Sinner

1. Don’t pity yourself

A failed marriage is definitely a very trying time and self-pity seems to be a natural reaction. It cannot be completely avoided. However, too much of it does not help. On the other hand, it causes damage to one’s self-esteem, which further results in an inferiority complex.

How will it help recover?

The best way to help yourself is to plan your future life to be better than how it is now. Spend time in planning your dreams and aspirations. Share it with family and friends to enthuse yourself more.

2. Make time for fun things

A divorce is actually the best time to do fun things simply because you are desperately in need of fun and joy. Do anything that cheers you constructively. Go out with friends, pursue your hobbies, take a vacation and indulge in fun. Live life fully without wasting time in unnecessary gloom. All these will help keep your mind off the soured relationship.

How will it help recover?

It happens many a times that one loses touch with what one loves to do the most while pursuing a relationship. So, getting back to what one loved will bring back vitality and enthusiasm in life. Preparing yourself to become the way you were before you fell in love might actually help in making you fall in love again.

3. Consult a psychiatrist

If the going gets very tough, consult a professional. Studies and research show that a divorce is the next most traumatic thing after the death of a loved one. This happens because everything in life changes after the separation. Just like one seeks medical attention when physically injured, one should seek professional help when emotionally scarred.

How will it help recover?

The psychiatrist or professional will be able to provide a neutral and different point of view which can help. Also, since he/she is trained, the helpful ear lent and the words of advice given are surely done in a manner that is best for acceptance by one undergoing the trauma.

4. Love the sinner

Make sure that the divorce brings out the best in you and not the worst. One cannot clap with a single hand and so, however unfair it may seem, the problem has arisen due to both parties. Instead of going into the fault-finding mode, it would be easier to accept and even rejoice life if things are forgotten and forgiven.

How will it help recover?

Holding on to the past and affecting the present and future with it is like being very unfair to oneself. Feelings of hate and revenge are like acids placed in a container. They harm the container in which they are placed more than into which it is poured. The biggest step is to forgive your spouse and also forgive yourself and go ahead with life.

5. Move on

Change is the only changeless thing in this world and you have to adapt and move on. Staying ‘on site’ of the emotional trauma will only worsen your situation.

How will it help recover?

Never do something today on which you are sure you will regret it tomorrow. Learning from that wisdom, once you start to move on with positive thoughts, you will spiral up by attracting positive. The same happens when you get stuck with negative thoughts, only that you spiral downwards instead.

6. Help your kids, if any

Make the well-being of your kids the top priority. Ensure that they do not witness the hostility, pain and anger that existed between the two of you. If possible, maintain a working relationship with your ex for the sake of the children.

How will it help recover?

Helping the children will definitely take your mind off the sourness a bit. Focusing more on them and building up that relationship helps to forget the pain of the crumbling one.

7. Plan for future

One good way to rid oneself of the ghosts of the past is to think of the angels that the future can bring. It is always better to work on the present for a good future rather than allow the past to ruin the present.

How will it help recover?

Life has to go on and so you have to start making financial plans for the future too. Set short term, medium term and long term goals and it will help you focus on things other than the divorce. It will also set you on a firm footing for the future.

8. Discover your new love

75 percent of divorced people get married again in the next five years. It is the best way to realize that the person you found was not the perfect one for you, and know that the perfect one is going to arrive.

How will it help recover?

When something goes bad, replacing it would be a clean solution. Once you have forgiven yourself and accepted what has happened in life, you are ready to begin afresh. Why not give a new relationship a try?

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